Lockdown Learning: Lifetime of Lockdown revisited through a fresh pair of eyes

There are days when  I feel irritated with the ongoing lockdown and so wish for things to rewind to the normal. But then I remember my brother, who had cerebral palsy and is now no more with us.

Not that I have ever forgotten my brother, who was four years elder to me, but somehow since the beginning of the lockdowns, I remember him more often. Every time my frustration gets better of me, his calm face flashes before my eyes. His sparkling eyes, despite having a significant disability and very little exposure to the outside world, come alive in my mind, and all of a sudden, I feel ashamed of me for being so fickle and impatient in these testing times.

I remember him being restricted to the home, mostly to his bedroom as facilities for physically challenged people to move around outside the house were not very advanced in those times in India. But I fail to remember a single moment when he was unhappy or complained about it.
The pure joy that emanated from his eyes never seemed to be a slave of any reason. He would remain calm and composed most of the time, something that remained a mystery to me to this day.

As a young kid, I remember asking my friends to come over my home to play so that even my brother could join us, but kids being kids,  all of us would gradually drift away to play outside, leaving him behind. The outdoor games were more popular those days, unlike present times. However, I never found him cribbing or unhappy about being left out. He would be entirely at ease, relaxed, a fact that glaringly haunt me in these days of lockdown. How could he do that?

Once I was visiting my parents with my young son. My son wanted to buy an authentic cricket bat ( a famed sports product of Meerut). Incidentally, our house help was on leave. It was a short visit, and my parents wanted to spend maximum time with my son and me and therefore accompanied us for the shopping. My brother understood and indicated in broken language that he could stay alone for a couple of hours, and we all may go-ahead for the shopping. We returned much later than anticipated, and we were worried that he would be angry. He wasn't.  He happily asked us about our shopping and was very happy to see my son being so excited about his purchase. It didn't make much difference to me then. Perhaps in those times, in my busy life, I didn't realize that he was, in his ways, teaching me the secret of happiness.

I often remember his face and the pure joy with which he lived his life. I can never forget the shine in his eyes that never dimmed despite the significant challenges he faced in his life.   I often wonder now if his inner happiness came from the complete acceptance of his circumstances, a total surrender to the universe.

I don't know if I will ever reach his level of stillness and calm amidst the adversities of life, but I promise to myself to never stop striving for it.  I guess perhaps this lockdown, an unprecedented situation, has also given us all an opportunity to become a better version of ourselves.